Jambalaya (…I think)



Remember that week when you were sick with the flu (actual flu, not the “drinkers flu”), or you tried to get off Klonopin by going cold-turkey (“a YUGE mistake”), so that whatever you may have cooked and photographed you have absolutely no recollection of whatsoever…until you stumble upon some folder hidden in another folder in your iPhotos?

Well, this is that meal from that week.

I wish I could provide more accurate ingredients, measurements, and step-by-step instructions for this one, but since I don’t have any, you’re gonna have to settle for my after-the-fact play-by-play. Starting with, from the looks of it, that I was trying to make jambalaya….without a recipe….or any experience with Cajun cooking….and, (judging from the missing obligatory scotch pic), no hooch (Oh Gads!!).

It looks like I started with three boneless chicken breasts, which I seasoned and browned in a pan with, (being Maxine’s son), no doubt, a hefty dollop of bacon fat, ‘till they resembled these




Next, I carefully (as opposed to one of my earlier mishaps) sliced up some Kielbasa, and sauteed them in the same pan with all the chicken drippings, and probably a little more fat, till I had a nifty collection of these



Here, it looks like I was whipping up a roux. Roux comes in different shades, from golden brown to a deep brick red, and this one here wound up being….and I’m just speculating, based on my standard impatience in the kitchen, coupled with my adult attention deficit disorder, and lack of photographic evidence…that it was probably deep dark gold color. And I’d like to point out that at this point, there’s no way in heaven or on earth I wasn’t drinking something. Seriously. And why I didn’t photograph whatever it was I was drinking is beyond me. But, if I were to make this dish over again, right this minute, I’d be reaching for theDewar’s…’cause it’s brown…tasty…and I have one of those big-ass bottles with a handle.  A HANDLE.



OK, I guess I chopped up some green peppers and onions and garlic and…OK, there’s definitely some spices in there, right? Maybe some Cayenne pepper? Cumin? Some fancy Cajun blend? I guess, try a lil’ of everything? Anyway, it looks colorful



Wait. Knorr chicken bullion cubes?? Knorr!!?!? Elvis, what happened??!


Overlooking that last ingredient, which came outa nowhere, it appears I tossed everything back into the Creuset, and added a few quarts of water….as well as those bullion cubes (just stop). Knowing what I know, I’m gonna guess I brought it to a boil, lowered it to a simmer, and then covered it and let cook for an hour…or so



In that time, it appears I boiled some rice, to which, (again, being Maxine’s son), I added a long-weekend’s worth of butter (Yeah, I should probably call the ol’ gal and apologize in advance for these mentions). Right before plating, it looks as though I chopped some flat leaf parsley (which reminds me of my brother chastising me…OK, hollering at….for once (and only once) using curly leaf parsley for some dish he saw me preparing (“Dude! ‘the fuck!? You are not using curly leaf parsley!”). Love that kid.

And here we go. A dish I clearly made…and probably enjoyed


Wait. Wait. Wait! What…the hell? There’s shrimp in there, too?



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